But, Why Was The Bed Wet?

I first want to start off by saying I hope everyone had a good July 4th week/weekend! I luckily was on vacation so I didn’t have to work. Throughout my couple days off I couldn’t help but think about my last post and story and how so many more things followed that one night. College is supposed to be a positive experience for students, but unfortunately for some it doesn’t always turn out that way, and I was a part of that “some”. Everything was amazing during my freshman year up until the end of it, which I will get to later on. However, for now we will stick to the good stories.

There is still so much left unknown in this next story I am about to tell you and honestly I think its for the best for my roommates and I. But, anyways, Courtney served as kind of the mother hen for the 3 of us. Maggie and I always had a tendency to get a little out of control when she wasn’t there. I mean instead of our regular 15 pregame shots, Maggie and I would do 25 (everything was always extra with us two). There was one weekend Courtney went home to visit her family. I remember before she left she told Maggie and I to “not get to out of control”. We nodded and agreed that we should have a slow night and not get too crazy, but of course that didn’t happen.

We actually don’t really know what happened. You know in the Hangover how they wake up and forget everything that went on and have to piece back the night? Well, that’s what happened to Maggie and I. The way we woke up is actually quite interesting so before I write it out I am going to say sorry to my family for hearing about this story!

Maggie and I woke up…in bed…together….with the bed completely soaking wet. Clothes were actually quite questionable I cannot remember. Our knees were also cut up a bit and I honestly think the only reason we woke up is because someone knocked on our door and asked if we were okay. We couldn’t figure out why the bed was wet, so we kind of just ignored that it happened. We woke up with raging headaches (our hangovers were ALWAYS equal to death). We then decided we were going to figure out what the fuck had happened the night before.

The first and last thing we both remembered was taking shots in our dorm room. Just doing the usual thing, getting all dressed up, taking shots and listening to music. Then BAM the rest of the night is question marks. We asked one of our friends and he said that all he remembers is us walking out of the dorms all dressed up (secretly, between you and I, we didn’t even think we left the dorms). So as soon as he told us that we both looked at one another and thought “shit, what did we do“.

It became so hard to try and piece together the night that we eventually gave up. The three of us were actually texting the other day about how we still do not know what happened. I mean cant be anything TO BAD if no one ever told us anything….right? So just like that and a million other stories we just threw it to the back burner and pretended it never happened. I can tell you that after this little incident Courtney very rarely left us alone. Even though Courtney didn’t leave us alone, us 3 still continued to party every night. Like at the pep rally we all got way to drunk with our guy friends that we decided to leave the rally early and disperse our own ways. Some of us went to a party down the street, some went back to the dorms to drink, and then there were the ones that decided to dance in the lawn sprinklers in the middle of campus. It truly was always an adventure.

“When I Ripped My Pants”

I think after telling you that shit show of a situation it is time to tell you a couple of funny stories while I was in college. As I have stated, drinking was a never ending hobby for my roommates and I. We ended up getting fake IDs and finding a store that accepted them so getting alcohol was super simple for us (which also was dangerous for our overall well being). We all stuck to the good ole handles of Rubinoff because I mean who isn’t “ballin’ on a budget” in college. The worse thing is that we would buy in bulk too so we would each get three handles at a time, so about 9 handles in the room every 2 weeks and then we would do the process all over again, it was just disgusting. We actually kept an empty storage container so we could fill it up with all of our finished bottles so we could count them at the end of the semester. We definitely hit some records.

One of the best stories is our first BIG party we attended. It was in Alston (which was where most of the Emmanuel parties were) at the LAX house. Emmanuel was such a small school that we didn’t have a football or hockey team, the main sports were basketball and lacrosse. So here we were 3 innocent freshman going to this huge party with our little “going out” outfits on and our water bottles filled with vodka. I honestly do not think any of us knew what to expect. However, we got there and started taking shots IMMEDIATELY. Because everyone knows things are less awkward when you are drunk and we all get that “liquid confidence”.

Throughout the night the 3 of us would kind of disperse and do our own things, I mean it happened every single time we were out. Or we would lose one and have to find the other, like there was this one time I wandered off and somehow ended up drinking a beer with a man on the sidewalks of Boston and my roommates found me (i know thank god). This specific time, at the LAX house, Courtney and I went out on the deck to smoke a cigarette and I distinctly remember someone yelling “COPS”!

Just keep in mind this is the first huge party we went to so we have no idea what to do when the cops showed up. Soooo Courtney and I’s immediate reaction was to get the fuck out of there. ALSO keep in mind there were hundreds of kids at this party. Courtney and I were cornered on the back deck, no where to go, until we saw a fence. And Oh boy did we try to jump that fence. Courtney got over it and then there I was dangling on the top of the fence because my jeans got caught. Everyone on the deck at the lacrosse house was screaming “freshman, freshman, freshman”. IT WAS SO HUMILIATING. I tried everything in my power to get off that stupid fence, until finally I was like I have to jump. Right when i jumped I heard a big rip and guess what happened? THE ENTIRE BACK POCKET OF MY JEANS RIPPED OFF (and of course it was my favorite Hollister skinny jeans). So i had a complete ass cheek just hanging out. The entire time Courtney was on the ground putting her arms up like she was going to catch me. Did she? absolutely not. I ate complete shit on the ground WITH my ass cheek hanging out.

I seriously still cringe thinking about this story because if my life stories haven’t showed you how much of a hot mess I am, than that story sure will. I cant remember if we went back to the dorms or if I continued to party, I mean if my memory is correct we still partied, but just went to a different one, butt cheek out and all. I look back at it now and laugh, but the embarrassment from the little incident will honestly never subside. AND of course Courtney got a way with maybe like a scratch or small rip in her leggings, like WTF (I know your reading this laughing Courtney). To top it all off I have no idea where Maggie was throughout this ridiculous mess.

There are so many more stories like the one above so keep reading!

Then There Was 2…Boyfriends…At Once

About two posts ago you saw that I was a little hesitant to talking about Nate and I’s relationship while we were in college. The reason being is because there were so many bad things that happened during this time that I do not think I will be able to fit it into even multiple blog posts. I actually became friends with my roommates during orientation because I was sitting alone crying on the phone for Nate to stop being mad at me. I think he was saying he was mad I was sleeping over for orientation?? When I literally didn’t have a choice. So Maggie and Courtney came over to me and helped me out.

Therefore, before I even moved into my dorm room my two roommates already knew the toxic relationship I had with Nate. They continued to see it throughout my time at Emmanuel because he would call me maybe over 100 times in a night or something crazy like that, text me non stop, and even try to call my friends. Let’s not leave out that Nate also went to one of the biggest party schools ever; Umass Amherst. So I don’t know why he was always worrying about me. I obviously was a pyscho too, always wondering where he was and what he was doing, but I knew there wasn’t anything I could do about it.

This is where I am going to introduce the most fucked up situation you will probably ever read. Some may look at me as a horrible person, but I can’t ALWAYS make the ex boyfriends look like the bad guy.

During college you meet SO many new people and as I told you Maggie, Courtney and I grew to be very close with 7 other guys. Wellllll….I became extra close with one of them and it grew to us liking each other more than friends. BUT I had a little problem and that problem was Nate. I will name this other guy Anthony, he was sweet, super kind, and literally treated me like a princess. It was almost like a breath of fresh air from Nate. Now I did tell Anthony about Nate, but I never told Nate about Anthony….so this obviously became an issue. Anthony and I became inseparable and my roommates loved him as well, he came everywhere with my roommates and I, it was kind of like we were dating. So, if you’re sitting there asking yourself if I had a boyfriend at college and at home, at the same time, the answer is yes. I know horrible person, I suck, blah blah blah.

This went on for quite awhile, so when Nate would come and visit me at Emmanuel I had to one; tell all my guy friends to stay away from me and pretend they don’t know me because Nate would freak out in general over guy friends and two; tell Anthony to stay far away from me for the couple days he was there. I know SUPER fucked up. Anthony and I stayed with each other for about 9 months and I would kind of still see Nate when I went home on breaks, but not as much as usual. Anthony knew I still had Nate at home and always asked me to break up with him, but I never did. There would be nights where I would being laying in bed with Anthony going to sleep, but texting Nate “goodnight I love you”. It was like a sick disease and something I completely regret, I mean having two boyfriends at once seems cool, but someone was bound to get hurt. Everyone knew what I was doing except for Nate. I mean I did a horrible job of hiding it and I feel like I almost didn’t care because I knew how fucked up Nate and I’s relationship already was. This also goes along with my saying “hurt me once and I will hurt you ten times harder”. By that point Nate hurt me 1000000 times so I had some catching up to do and as you can see I did.

The breakup between Nate and I didn’t end until a little after my Freshman year of college and like I said before, I will get to that shit show of a story. I just need to tell you a few insane partying stories while I was in college first.

However, I know how awful of a person I must sound like to some of you with all the lying and cheating I did, but at the same time I tell these stories because it shows how imperfect some people can be. From the outside looking in my life looked perfect, but it was truly a disaster. I don’t want to say I do all my bad things because people deserve it, but there is always a motive to my madness. Some may agree with me or some may not and that’s okay! I would never sit here and try to ramble on excuses about what I did and try to make it seem like it was ok because I knew it wasn’t and I knew the whole time what I was doing was wrong, did I change it? No. Did I learn from it? Certainly. I once was a very bad person who did not care about anything, but I can happily and proudly say that I have changed that in so many different ways.

“Man I Love College”

As you saw high school was an emotional roller coaster for me. From shitty relationships, to insane parties, dumb hookups, and all out crazy friends I somehow always kept my head up and officially graduated. As much as I hated high school I sometimes look back at it and miss it. Obviously not the bad times, but there were a lot of good times that I will never forget.

I also forgot to mention to you guys that towards the end of high school Lola kind of got into the wrong crowd and started dating shitty boy after shitty boy (just like me). She was ditching school a lot and then just decided not to come back one day. I don’t think she ended up graduating with us. We remained close as ever still, but seeing her was harder and it became less and less especially when I went off to college. You will find out later on as to why I am telling you a little bit about her life.

For right now I can introduce my college years. My college years will be continued with many posts. I don’t think I will ever be able to tell you all the hilarious, hot mess stories that happened, but we will just start with my Freshman year. I attended Emmanuel college in Boston, at first I was hesitant because I couldn’t imagine being away from home for long periods of time, but after the first day I think I was in love. I also met my two roommates at orientation so we all knew each other before we moved in, which was also great.

I had two roommates we will name them Maggie & Courtney. These girls were an absolute blast to be around. Right off the bat the three of us got along like best friends. We went to every college party we could find together, we built our class schedules around each others, we traveled together, we spent school breaks with one another, we were like the god damn three amigos. Our room was what they called a “forced triple” so just imagine a regular sized dorm room for 2 people, but smush another person in there and that was our room. We had no privacy and honestly we didn’t care. Our room was so small that no matter how much cleaning we did it still looked messy. if I could show you a picture of our room after a night out you would be mortified. We held all the pre-games in our room and had people coming in and out like a fucking bar. We actually bought fish I think our 3rd week or something and named them Smoochie, Gucci, and Poochie. So on top of the messiness we thought we could take care of 3 fishes.

Courtney, Maggie and I loved partying. We drank almost every night of the week, except maybe sometimes we would take a break on Monday’s or Tuesday’s. You know that thing called the Freshman 15? Well yeah that is a real thing and let me tell you, it was not just 15 for me. More like the Freshman 145…lol just kidding not that much. BUT ANYWAYS do not let anyone tell you that it is not real! Our main drink of choice was Rubinoff blue raspberry. I know its disgusting and the worst part was we NEVER made mixed drinks, we literally took shots of everything we drank. Our way of keeping track of how many we took was by tallying them on our arm and then the next morning we would all compare how many we each took, yes i know we were classy.

Every party we went to we would fill a water bottle up for each of us or a couple to share between the 3 of us, with just straight vodka. Our mixers varied from soda, to juice, or just another alcohol. Basically whatever was available at the time of the shot (I am literally vomiting in my mouth right now just thinking about it). There was just so much alcohol consumed all the time I really don’t know how we made it out alive. I mean I guess you could say a couple times we almost didn’t. I will get to those stories in the next few posts. A couple of them are so funny and absurd that I am giggling to myself thinking about them right now.

The three of us became super close with about 7 guys. It was like one big party group. We all did everything together I feel like. Once we became close with those guys it just turned our partying to even more partying. I remember one guy had a hookah and we used to party up in his room and smoke hookah literally all night, it was honestly pretty fun. 3 of the guys were in a quad so we partied in there a couple times too. But i really feel like our room, which was the smallest, is where most of the drinking occurred, which I know doesn’t make much sense. However, if I don’t stop writing soon i will never stop because my Freshman year of college was literally fucking awesome. Definitely a highlight that is labeled as one of the best experiences of my life.

See you Monday 🙂

Ever Get Mad & Punch A Wall? Read On

I hope you all enjoyed learning a little about Nate and I. However, I forgot to tell you one story that kind of affected the end of my high school years quite a bit. It obviously includes Nate and I arguing, but this time we were in the halls of my high school about to go to class. I cant even remember what we were arguing about, all I remember is him walking away from me in the middle of it and me getting PISSED. I was so mad that I turned around and full on punched a wall, not just a regular dry wall or anything a cement fucking wall.

I knew right when I punched it I broke my hand So I immediately called my dad and told him I needed to go get it checked out. He came and picked me up and off we went. He, of course, asked me what happened and I was in such a fog and an adrenaline rush that I think I told him I closed it in my locker? What a stupid excuse, how would someone accidentally break their own hand closing their own locker door???? I was not the brightest bulb on the tree in high school.

BUT you can bet your ass that the doctor told me I had a “boxer fracture” and then continued to put a big blue cast on my hand/arm. I called Nate after the hospital and told him and I remember him giggling then saying “why would you punch the wall”. He never asked if I was okay or anything. Whatever I got over it, but guess what ? This happened right at the end of my senior year of high school. Right when it was time for senior prom and graduation! Happy senior year to me! However, it didn’t really matter about senior prom because Nate hated stuff like that and didn’t want to go and he would have NEVER let me go with someone else. So either way I wasn’t going to that. Do I regret not going and listening to Nate? I don’t really care that I didn’t go, but the fact that I listened to Nate is what gets me.

Probably a good thing I didn’t go because that cast was SO dirty I remember at a party I fell asleep and my friends thought it would be funny to draw dicks and swastika’s all over it….hahaha so funny…..I was shot gunning beers with it and the beer would dribble down my arm, I cannot count on one hand how many drunk showers I took with it and forgot to cover the cast up. I felt bad for the kid who sat next to me at graduation because it was like 98 degrees out and I was sweating and my cast stunk (I’m literally disgusting)!

Back to Nate and I. so yeah we got in a fight (per usual), I punched a cement wall, fractured my hand, missed out on senior prom, embarrassed myself at graduation, and STILL continued our shitty relationship until I went off to college 🙂 I think we broke up the end of my freshman year I can’t remember because I tried to erase him out of my memory. But my relationship with him in college is a whole other story and I am not sure if I want to open that can of worms because it is just plain awful on my part and his. So let me think about that until next post.

The Relationship From Hell

I probably should have mentioned that Nate and Frankie were close friends before Nate and I started dating. So yes I caused some friendship issues and some drama, trust me it wasn’t my first or last time.

I honestly don’t really even know where to begin with the stories between Nate and I. Its like is it even worth telling the stories and repeating his name (you can kind of tell that I really dislike him)? But I will only tell you a few more stories before moving on to the next stage of my life. Remember how Nate had that weird control over me? Yeah it sucked. It continued for the few years we were together and only got worse with time.

Although, I was not always the good one in the relationship. I once again grew to lie and cheat on him, consistently. I was crazy and didn’t trust him and would go psycho when he was with his friends and not showing me attention (because he never did). I caught him lying and talking to other girls behind my back multiple times too. His excuse was always “you won’t let me have any girlfriends so how else am I supposed to talk to them”. Me being the naive and idiot girl I was just once again let things go. My way of getting back at him was going and being with another guy (I know horrible). Like I said, I know many people are judging here, but I am just stating the truth. The guy I was actually cheating on Nate with was Frankies best friend, so yeah talk about a HOT MESS. It is kind of hard to keep up. Nate and I just became an abusive mess. It was not just mentally and emotionally abusive it became physical as well.

Nate got me to believe that I deserved everything he did and said. And I thought to myself “why is he wrong? I am doing bad things too so I must deserve it”. It continued liked this for months and only got worse.

Once, Emilia actually chased him down the high school hallways and threatened to kick the shit out of him because of something he did to me. I once had to go to work with a black eye because he threw his phone at me because I “accused him of talking to another girl”, WHEN HE WAS! Another time I threw a diamond necklace he got me for Christmas at his face because there were lies found out again and he put my brand new phone out in the snow. Another crazy story is he got mad at me (for talking to another guy, so yes it was bad) one time and held me up against a door and put his hands around my neck and then didn’t talk to me for a week. OUR RELATIONSHIP WAS A SHIT SHOW.

I had completely secluded myself from friends and family and made my life strictly about Nate and I, so no one wanted to be around me. No one wanted to hear about my troubles because I didn’t make any time for them, I pushed literally every one away. Also no one wanted to be around Nate and I because all we did was argue.

I will always tell other people who ask that it was not just him that was bad in the relationship it was 100% me as well. There are so many more stories like the ones above, but I am sure you don’t want to just sit here and listen about a ANOTHER toxic relationship. The worst part between Nate and I was our breakup, which landed in me getting a restraining order on him (yeah that was not so good).

BUT my reason for this is not because I want pity or for people to feel bad for me. It is because I know there are others out there who can relate to me. I know there are people who are currently in relationships like Nate and I and there is nothing worse than being stuck in that. Just remember there are always things to look forward to and as my parents ALWAYS say “this too shall pass”.

Boyfriend (Or Scrub) No. 2

Now that I have introduced you to Frankie and told you a little bit about us, I will now introduce you to the next boyfriend. You might be thinking “already introducing us to the next one, you move fast”. Well my answer would be your right, I do move fast. After Frankie, I was never single. I loved having a companion so much that I never wanted to be alone. Once I got sick of one guy or realized we were not good for each other I thought well maybe I can fill the emptiness and hurt with another guy (yeah I know its a horrible way to think). Boy was I wrong AGAIN (I am sure you have realized I am wrong 99% of the time).

While Frankie and I were ending things I started to hangout with Nate again; the first kiss guy. We got closer and started seeing each other as more than friends (well at least I did). Looking back at it now I don’t know what I saw in him. Nate was gruff and like I said before he had this bad boy vibe to him. I so wish I never got involved with him. Remember that song “No Scrubs” by TLC, yeah that song reminded me exactly of him. No Job, no money, no car, no license, sold drugs, was rude, and did not care about anyone except him self.

When we first started seeing each other it was strictly physical, but I wanted him to like me more in a relationship way. I was so desperate that I started doing his homework and his friends homework, cart him around everywhere, lie for him, steal for him, sell his drugs, do what ever satisfied him. It was truly sickening when I think back to it now. He had this control over me that no one had ever had before, it was like I was willing to do ANYTHING for him. He never really showed any appreciation for what I did for him either so it was almost like that’s what I was looking for. I needed to make him happy.

Nate didn’t have the best family background and I didn’t have the best relationship background. As I said before I was never perfect, I had lied and cheated when I was with Frankie, but I thought it was going to be different with Nate. Even though I should have known that my trust issues would just carry over from one relationship to the next.

One day Nate decided to finally ask me to be his girlfriend. I don’t know If he did it because he genuinely started to like me or because he liked having that control over me, but I didn’t care I just said yes. We hit that official boyfriend girlfriend stage at the end of my junior year and once we put that label on it, things changed. Nate would sometimes go hours, days, weeks without talking to me or answering me. He just decided he didn’t want to hear from me or liked to see how crazy it made me. It turned me into a complete psycho path. I knew he had his phone on him and he could simply answer me so I would call his phone non stop, I even would call his friends phones, but he would then just tell them to ignore me. It was like some type of game for him, to see how crazy I would go for him. Once he decided he was done ignoring me he would answer me and apologize and treat me like a princess. When I talk about it now it sounds so crazy, completely twisted.

The games with Nate only got more crazier, which then just made me more insane. Remember that saying “hurt me and I hurt you ten times harder”, yeah, that’s where this came into play. Before I started getting back at Nate I would go into these phases of complete and utter sadness. I wouldn’t eat, I wouldn’t sleep, I wouldn’t talk to friends or family until I knew Nate was happy. I won’t get more into this mess until Thursday, but I will leave you with a little thought. You thought Frankie and I were bad? Well multiply that by 10 and you have Nate and I.

If you ever struggle with relationship issues please don’t be afraid to reach out to friends and families. There is someone out there that can relate or just even simply help you. Never forget what you deserve.

The First Boyfriend Pt. 2

As I was saying in Mondays post; Frankie and I were toxic. Although, at the time of our relationship I thought we were perfect. I mean I was 16 going on 17, I didn’t know any better or anything different. I certainly was insecure when he went off to college because I was a young girl in high school and he was with older girls in college. I NEVER thought I could even compare to them. I am about to tell you another compelling story, so strap on your seat belts and get ready for the ride.

Soooo you remember that girl I was talking about in the last post? Ya, Frankie met her in college and they always had this weird relationship. So me being the psycho I was grew to not trust them together. He always made me question like “what are they doing? Are they more than friends?” blah blah blah. WELL one weekend Frankie came home from school and told me that he was planning on going away with his college friends. I obviously immediately asked if there were girls going and he said No. I of course did not trust that answer so that’s when the curiosity struck me; what is he hiding on his phone? Frankie was SUPER secretive about his phone, I was barely allowed to hold it. That’s when I took it upon myself to look at it when he wasn’t looking.

One day we went to grab pizza and he went into grab the food and he left his phone, by accident, in the car. It took everything in me to not look through it, but I did it anyways! He actually realized he left it in the car and came back for it. So what did I do? I locked the car doors so he couldn’t get to it. BAD IDEA GABBY! He was so scared of what I was going to find on the phone, that he ripped my car door handles off of my car trying to open the doors. He ripped 3 out of the fucking 4 car door handles off. BUT GUESS WHAT, I found out that the college girl friends were invited on this get away trip and planning on going 🙂 So not only did he lie to me, but I only had one door handle left on my car. LIKE WTF, try explaining that to your parents….

Do you think he fixed it? No. Do you think he even offered to fix it? No. Do you think I left my window down everywhere I went so I could get in my car? Yup. He also tried to deny that the girls were invited. So you remember my little saying I have that I told you in the last post? Well I went right ahead and got him back. Not going to say how, but just a couple months after that I caught him talking to another girl so I went and got back at him AGAIN. It was a never ending atrocious cycle.

I know most of you reading this are either judging (which I know this is a blog so there are going to be many different opinions) or thinking that we are two idiots and should have just broken up, but for some reason we couldn’t. I think we were both addicted to the toxicity of the relationship as weird as that sounds. Numerous things in our life are easier said than done and I know many women can agree with that statement when it comes to relationships. But you will be happy to know that the relationship did end, but it only just lead me into another awful one, which we will get to in the next post.

However, after about 2 years together and him being the first guy I ever told I loved, Frankie never stopped appearing in my life. Wasn’t always positive, but also wasn’t always negative. He would always be the first to say happy birthday to me for years after that, we saw each other out at parties and hung out a couple times even after our relationships ended. Just recently did I remove him from my life AGAIN, which you will hear more about when I get to present day hot mess Gabby.

No matter how horrible a relationship is sometimes you cannot just let it go. It took us awhile to realize we were not good together even after all the things people said. BUT sometimes all good things (even though it really was not all that good) have to come to an end. Like i said the road with Frankie doesn’t stop with these last two posts, but its time to move onto the next shitty ex boyfriend I had! Remember Nate? The one I had my first kiss with? Yeah we will bring up that relationship next week. Stay tuned and thanks for reading!

The First Boyfriend

My sophomore year of high school did not end with that horrible house party that I had. I mean truthfully it just got worse from that point on. I decided I will not be telling the story about how I lost my virginity, just because I am sure that is not something my parents or family wants to read about me at all (even though it is just another hot mess story). I will tell you that I lost it to the biggest douche bag in high school (pretty boy, jock, dick head, etc.). So just put your imagination to use and I am sure you can figure out how that story ends.

I think this is the post where I will introduce my first ever “serious” boyfriend. I have 3 ex boyfriends that effected me negatively, but we will start with this one. We will name him Frankie. Frankie, unfortunately, is someone who pops in and out of my life (when its good for him) and has been doing that for the past 8 years, but we first became the “official boyfriend and girlfriend” when I was 16 turning 17 soon. He was two years older than me, so I was dating a senior when I was a sophomore. Frankie and I had MANY ups and downs, definitely probably more downs than ups.

I do want to let you guys know that since I have a couple of shitty ex boyfriends, I will never sit here and bash them continuously. I am not going to ramble on about how awful these guys were or how much they sucked, but I will tell you some not so pretty times in the relationships and also maybe some good times. Key word is MAYBE because there wasn’t many.

Frankie and I had a great relationship in the beginning and the best part was that my best-friend Emilia was dating his best friend. So we all always hung out as a group and our friends always got along with one another. I thought it was amazing; being a sophomore and dating a senior, hanging out with the older kids, and having an actual boyfriend. Our relationship didn’t really get shitty until trust kind of escaped us (first sign of a bad relationship). I caught Frankie messaging other girls on Facebook and talking to other girls all the time. The thing about him was that he had an answer for EVERYTHING. He knew how to justify every little thing he did wrong. He made me believe that he did everything for a reason. Me being the 16 year old I was believed every word and just kept dating him no matter what happened.

I am not going to pretend I was the perfect angel of the relationship, but I will say that once someone does me wrong or hurts me I never forget it. Everybody that knows me knows that I live by my own spiteful saying; “hurt me and I will hurt you ten times harder” and that’s what I did. The vicious cycle of hurting one another back and forth never ended. Frankie and I fought and fought and it only kept getting worse as the relationship went on. It didn’t get really bad until he went off to college and I became a junior in high school. It literally went all downhill from there. If our relationship wasn’t toxic already it turned to straight poison when he became a freshman at a really big University.

There were more girls in the picture, I wasn’t able to visit as much as I liked to, seeing each other diminished and his college friends became more important. I mean I did go visit him a couple times, but I didn’t even have my license at the time (or I did and just didn’t drive?) so I had to find rides to his school and that meant commuting with his hometown friends, which was ANNOYING. Even when I went and visited him it was never him and I. Things just kept getting bad and I remember there was always this one girl that worried me with him, but I am going to save that story for Thursday.

I will let you know that I never really got along with other girls, especially girls trying to be friends with my boyfriends. I was really insecure so I had a horrible jealousy trait. And as many of you know jealousy gets you nowhere. I do know that most girls do not have good intentions except for the select few I am lucky enough to call friends (and this is just from experience). So I am sure you can only guess how well I handled the situation with this girl and Frankie, BUT like I said we will dive more into that next post!

The ex boyfriends will have many different posts because none of them have ever completely been cut out of my life (unfortunately) except for one. so stayed tuned to see the continuance of the series of unfortunate events!

“I Held A Party” and It Went Horribly Wrong

Although the pit parties were pretty insane, everyone knows there’s nothing like a good high school house party. Every class had those certain kids that threw the house parties on the weekends, it was like 4 or 5 of them. In this case I was one of those people. On the weekends we would figure out whose parents would be away, for how long, and how far away. Just so we knew that they wouldn’t be coming home for a bit and we could figure out how big the party actually could be. I am going to tell you that I had some pretty epic house parties (sorry mom & dad), but nothing was as epic as my first (wasn’t actually epic more like a disaster).

It was my sophomore year of high school and I remember planning it all out. I figured out that my parents were going to be gone the whole weekend. I started texting EVERYONE; friends, friends of friends, I told the kid I was talking to at the time to invite his friends. It was literally a never ending list. I even had Mia, Emilia and Lola texting people to come. The night started with shots and kept going with shots, before you knew it I was trashed. RULE NUMBER 1: NEVER get blackout drunk at your own house party. Pretty sure I had my actual first real hook up that night too? I don’t know. Well the only distinct thing I remember is wobbling around acting like everything was fantastic and amazing. When in fact it was not at all.

I woke up the next morning still pretty drunk. I actually woke up stepped out of bed and onto someones head because someone was passed out on my bedroom floor with a thong around their head. I walked out into my kitchen and that’s when I literally said to myself “holy shit I am fucked”.

The counter tops were completely filled with dishes. Macaroni and cheese was all over my house, noodles everywhere. I was finding noodles for like 3 weeks. Someone had set a fire extinguisher off in my kitchen and my basement stairs. Light bulbs and glass were all over my basement floor. Apples thrown at our brand new flat screen TV. A hole in our completely re-done living room wall. someone actually pissed in the corner of our living room I’m pretty sure. There were 7 holes in my basement ceiling. Someone put their head through it!! LIKE WTF. Coffee mugs broken, plates shattered, furniture ruined, footprints on counter tops. It was a fucking nightmare. I also then looked in the mirror and realized I had a gash on the side of my face from falling up stairs, yes, UP stairs.

I then realized I was a dead girl walking. I had a day in a half to get this cleaned up and fixed. So you bet your ass I went to the hardware store; tried patching all the holes, cleaning the floors & walls, doing the dishes, repainting, replacing things, but it just wasn’t enough. By the time Sunday came my house looked like a mini tornado hit it instead of a fucking tsunami. I was completely and utterly screwed.

You can only imagine my punishment. I wasn’t allowed out of my house for about 2 weeks, I was tormented and made fun of at school from the hook up I had and the embarrassment the party came with, I didn’t have my cellphone for a good month, and I had my sister watching me every time my parents went away. I lived with this punishment for a VERY long time. I still don’t think my parents forgive me. Even with my amazing patching of the holes job!

So if you plan on having a house party anytime soon don’t get to drunk, have control of what you are doing, and make sure you have responsible and caring friends (or just don’t be that person to throw the house parties)!!! Because clearly the people I was hanging out with did not give a shit about me or my parents house and I learned that the hard way, but I am going to say that this did not stop me from having more house parties down the line….oops (sorry mom & dad, again). However, this party was never forgotten and will go down in history with many people.