Chronicles

Don’t Mistake My Kindness For Weakness

Good morning everyone and happy Monday! The weekends just go by to fast. I am going to take a quick break from talking about Mateo and I because I wanted to take this morning to talk a little about bullying. Not fully bullying, but people who just like to bring you down. Over the weekend I encountered some situations like this and it makes me think to myself “don’t you people have anything better to do with your life”.

In the past year, like I have told you, I have made a lot of changes in my life and some of those changes people don’t agree with. Do I care? No. Does it bother me? Not really, but at my weakest moments it does. Since I have been sober I have lost A LOT of friends and when I mean a lot I mean most of them, except for the ones I have introduced you too. I lost all my guy friends ( who now talk shit about me so I do not know if its a loss), I lost a huge group of friends that I was extremely close with last year into this year and I lost some people, who at one point, I thought would be life long friends.

I have found that once someone makes a pretty big change in their lifestyle the people closest to you will either support you and still love you or completely shut you off and not care what you do. Since I have started this blog, stopped drinking and smoking, started dating Mateo and just over all improved my life I have been told I am an “attention seeker”, “washed up”, that “no one cares about my stupid life”, ” I am still the same hoe I have always been”, “I am weak”, “My changes wont last long” and the list goes on. Does that shit get to me? Of course it does and guess what? It comes from people who I once thought cared about me. Now, I don’t want some pitty party or people to feel bad for me I just wanted to reach out to those people who are constantly feeling like people are attacking them for doing something good in their life. Its truly not fair to those people who struggle everyday to be happy and are actually trying to do something to fix it. If your reading this and your one of those people who like to pick on the weak or overall just don’t care about someones improvement, maybe think to yourself “do I have something to change?“.

I am SO happy with where I am at in life and no one will really ever be able to change that. I don’t care if you message me or text me or try to come at me on social media, what you say will not impact me and with all the bullshit I have gone through in life that is actually one of the most important things I have learned. Your growth in life scares the shit out of people who either don’t want to change or are jealous because they can’t make that change. Now am I sitting here and trying to brag about how wonderful I am and how great I am? No. But I am damn proud of everything I have done and everything I am still continuing to do to make my life better one day at a time.

Are there points where I miss my old life, the partying, the drinking, not having a care in the world? YES obviously, I miss it more than I want sometimes. Do I miss the friends who I once was closest to and know my deepest darkest secrets? Yes I do every day, but you will find in life ( which my parents have told me many times) who your real friends are and are not very quickly when you start to make changes. Try it.

Those people who have reached out to me and said the negative things you have I hope your reading this, but don’t mistake this post as some type of weakness. Negative words and people have just only made me stronger, so thank you 🙂

The Dreadful “Will You Be My Girlfriend”

So as you have been able to tell throughout my posts I am a little on the “high maintenance” side of things. I like things a certain way and I usually have that capability of making things that “certain way”. I know that sounds spoiled and bratty, but its not how I mean it. I mean it in a way that if I can have things how I want it, then why not make it that way?

ANYWAYS…Mateo and I went away one weekend to a beautiful place in Boston. It was in the Seaport district, over looking the water, beautiful suite it was just perfect! This was the weekend I thought Mateo was finally going to ask me to be his girlfriend. And YES I am one of those girls that likes titles, I like making things official and I like clarification, especially in relationships. So those who are saying “people still ask one another out” the answer is YES! But that is not how this went at all…lol.

I’m not one to like surprises so Mateo actually told me before we left for the weekend that he planned on asking me to be his girlfriend, I know super corny, whatever. I was like “cool, we have a few nice things planned out so its perfect”. I remember thinking in my head like “is he going to make this big scene about it, is it going to be cute or is it just going to be plain”. WELLLL it was Saturday night and we went out to this fancy place for dinner, but something was off. The entire dinner was quiet, not much talking was happening and it was borderline awkward as fuck. I think we said all of 10 words to each other before he was like “I am going to go to the bathroom”. HE LITERALLY LEFT ME AT THE TABLE FOR ALMOST 20 MINUTES BEFORE HE CAME BACK! I honestly thought I was being stood up or he was just dying in the bathroom. FINALLY he came back, we paid the check and left.

Me being the stubborn bitch I can be went back to the hotel and stayed completely silent. I don’t think we spoke for a good hour until he asked me what was wrong and I was finally like “you didn’t ask me”…. I constantly think “WHY AM I LIKE THIS!” I look back on it now and laugh because we got in this big argument about how he was nervous, but I was looking forward to it and he didn’t do it… I don’t know it was one big unneeded and over dramatized mess. The next day was Saint Patrick’s day and he finally asked me and I hesitated at first, ya know to make him sweat it out, but I of course said yes. I told this story to some of my friends and family and they literally looked at me like I had 20 heads. Some said to me “are you serious Gabby”, “Why did you need him to ask you” “you’re high maintenance”. All I said back was yes, I like things the way I like them and I never regret anything I do. ALSO, in my opinion, its a great story to look back on now and I wouldn’t want it any other way. But needless to say we have never gone back to that hotel or restaurant again and we are in Boston quite a bit!

Happiness Is Being With You

Good Morning everyone and happy Monday!Once again I hope you all had a great weekend. I spent mine relaxing with Mateo, going out to eat, shopping and buying things I want, but don’t need (which is like an every weekend occurrence for me).

Last week I began to introduce you to mine and Mateo’s relationship. I ended the post telling you about how he asked me on our first date over text, that was on February 7th. We didn’t end up going out until about a week later on the 15th. We didn’t want to go out on Valentines day because we didn’t want to be “those people” so we decided the day after was okay. However, on Valentines day Mateo surprised me in my office with a dozen roses and a box of chocolates. I think that was the moment I was like holy shit he personally delivered me flowers ON VALENTINES DAY, to my office?! That has NEVER happened to me, like not even close to that. In my past relationships I had to ask if we were doing anything on Valentines day and tell them exactly what I wanted OR I was broken up with. All in all I was just in shock, but it was one of the sweetest things anyone has ever done for me. Right then, I knew, I couldn’t wait to go on this first date with him and see what the future holds for us.

MANY people have said Mateo and I have moved fast, which we certainly have, but it doesn’t feel fast for us it feels natural and refreshing. It is so different being with him because its extremely easy to love him. We spend every moment we can together, we NEVER get sick of each other and we absolutely never fight and argue, which I think is the weirdest part for me because I am so used to that. The trust and communication is just there. It is SO simple and I couldn’t ask for anything more. We both love adventure, therefore we are always doing something that is fun and exciting. We have traveled more times than I can count and already have a big trip planned for February 2020.

Mateo and I have talked about our future together on many occasions, we have actually been in the process of buying a house with hopes to be living together in a couple months. Like how crazy is that?! It is absolutely INSANE how one person can have such a positive impact on your life and change it in so many ways in just one year. I never pictured myself at this stage in my life. I NEVER thought I would find the “one” or someone who would actually treat me like I deserve. When I love someone I love them hard and with Mateo I don’t think I have ever loved anyone more.

I am so excited to be able to take you through our relationship. There are so many laughable/absurd/crazy stories I could tell you, but I think I am going to limit myself to just a few, which will start on Thursday. For now, I hope you all have a wonderful day 🙂

Meet Mateo; The Love Of My Life

Hi everyone! I want to apologize for Monday and not warning you all about no post and just kind of ghosting you. The last couple days have been hell for me because I am just finally feeling better after being sick the past four days. I actually even spent my Sunday night in the ER; reason being as to why I did not post on Monday!

However, last Thursday I introduced you to my three friends David, Danika and Maddie. There has never been a specific story I wanted to share with these three because our entire friendship is one big laughing matter. I do not mean that in a bad way, I just mean we are always having a good time no matter the circumstances. Unless they decide it is one of those days where they will sit and make fun of me (which is actually more often then not 🙂 )

As I am sitting here I am trying to come up with what I want to share next because I have noticed I have been all over the place. I wanted to wait till next week to introduce you to my current boyfriend. But it seems like an appropriate time to begin talking about him; we will name him Mateo. Mateo and I met at work, he worked in the IT department and I worked in administration. Even though we met at work, we were located at different buildings. However, Mateo was always coming over to my building to work on different things and help people out. He was actually friends with the guy I share an office with so he was constantly in here chit chatting with him. I remember I had this little school girl crush on him, whenever he would leave my office I would run and tell my mom (yes, my mom and I work together) “Mateo was just here, he’s so cute”. Like what how much of a loser am I? My mom was even like “does he know that you think that”.

Mateo was the first guy I was ever scared to approach. It wasn’t that I was scared it was because I was nervous he did not feel the same way in return or that I would say something wrong and embarrass myself. It wasn’t until the flirty calls and emails started to happen at work, the more than often visits he would make to my office and the little sly comments he would make about us not having each others number, that I noticed and said to myself “maybe he does feel the same way back”. In February of this year I was getting ready to go away for my birthday with Danika, David and Maddie and Mateo made a comment that went sorta like “well maybe if she would go on a date with me” and I kind of froze and just brushed it off my shoulders.

Then on February 7th Mateo finally asked me out on a date. It took a bit for that to happen because I did give him the wrong number THREE different times, not just once, not twice, but yes, three different times. He still tells me to this day that he thought I was trying to get rid of him, BUT I WASN’T. I think I was just so happy that he even wanted my number that I could barely focus on anything I was doing when I talked to him. So after he received the correct number, I got the text asking if I would go out with him. He always tells me he wishes he could have done it in person, but I was always stuck in my office with my obnoxious co worker. So therefore he ended up doing it on text.

I will get way more into our relationship next week! Because this one is actually fun and enjoyable to talk about unlike my past ones. Mateo is a special person, he is one of a kind and I have never met anyone like him so I am super excited to finally be telling you about him and I, our life together so far and how much our love has grown in such a short amount of time!

3 Nurses And Me!

AHHHH I completely forgot to post this morning! That is 100% my fault, it has been a crazy and hectic morning. This post I was going to introduce present day me! Since I just told you about how I celebrated 6 months of no alcohol or cigarettes I figure I would just keep going with how my life is now.

I ended up graduating college with a 3.9 GPA, deans list and Cum Laude from Umass Lowell! I graduated with a major in business administration and a duel concentration in marketing and management. After college it was almost impossible to find a job. I applied to SO MANY places, but finally I found one. I started in May of 2018 and have been here every since.

When starting this job I didn’t really know anyone in the facility. After a couple weeks I met these 3 nurses that kind of just took me under their wing. We will name them Maddie, Danika and David. The first time I went out with them, I was with Maddie and Danika and I think we went a little too hard. Too hard as in when we got back to Danika’s house she was trying to put shorts on as a t shirt and I made 50 meatballs and ate them half frozen. Danika’s boyfriend also mentioned that she fell off the side of the bed and fell asleep like that and I of course passed out with all my “going out” clothes on. Maddie left us while we were still out because she was just straight down for the count. So basically you could see our friendship started off pretty great. Since that night we have been really close. David, at first, didn’t want to even hangout with us because he didn’t want to mix “work with friends” (I know loser, we still give him shit).

Finally he agreed to hangout with us & we started a game night! Once a month we would all hangout and do something fun or just relax at some ones house and honestly it was so fun. We could all bitch about how we hate our jobs, but also share our life issues at the same time. These 3 stuck by my side for every obstacle I have had the last year and half ans I couldn’t thank them enough for it. I complain about my job everyday, but if it wasn’t for this job i would have never met them!

You ever have those friends that you meet and you guys just clicked right away? That is us 4. We argue, bitch and get aggravated with each other, but in all reality its because we love each other (well that is what they tell me at least lol). These 3 understand that life gets in the way and we cannot see each other every week or that drinking and going out isn’t everything. Its a refreshing friendship and I am thankful for all of them. They are also all older than me so they give me like older sibling advice too, which is great. I am not going to be corny and mushy gushy because I know they would make fun of me sooooo…

If your reading this just know I appreciate you guys!

p.s: make sure your appreciation for your friends and relationships never go unnoticed 🙂

Your Struggle Is Part Of Your Story

Happy Tuesday everyone! I hope every body had a great long weekend. Either hanging out with friends or family or just completely relaxing by yourself. I honestly can’t even believe its already September, like where the hell did the year go? I know, for me, SO MUCH has changed in the past year; friendships, boyfriends, lifestyle changes, personal realizations, everything. This being said, holidays have certainly been different for me as well.

In November of last year I had a life changing experience, which lead me to not want to drink anymore. I was sober until about January this year, but then went away and started getting back into drinking and my old ways. Obnoxious, loud, annoying, stupid decision making; Gabby. Then I had something happen to me towards the end of February that would have changed my life in a really negative way if I didn’t straighten the fuck out. On March 2nd, 2019 I had my last sip of alcohol before I made the decision to really change my ways. Yesterday September 2nd, 2019 I celebrated 6 months of no alcohol AND no cigarettes. For those of you who know me and have been with me every step of the way you know how huge this is for me.

Everyone in high school and college knew me as the girl who LOVED to party. Someones having a party? I’ll be there. Someones having a few friends over? I’ll be there. Oh no one is doing anything? Then I’ll have the party!

And I am sure many of you who read this blog can tell that I loved drinking. However, when I drank I couldn’t just have one or two. I was ALWAYS doing shots, mixing all types of alcohol and making sure I could get as many drinks as I could possibly get wherever I was. 8 out of 10 times I would probably end up becoming blackout. It became almost like a lifestyle. It was so unbelievably unhealthy, I was gaining so much weight, making people angry because of my stupid decisions, and I just overall sucked as a person.

I look at my life now and can’t even believe how much better it is. My energy is focused on my work, making money, my relationships with people, buying a house with my boyfriend and so many other positive things. And honestly, it feels so amazing. I am not focused on when my next drink is or where I am getting drunk tonight. I have been able to save SO MUCH money from not smoking or drinking and I am not going to sit here and be like “yeah go and get sober its so awesome”, that’s absolutely not what I am trying to do. I just want to be able to share this experience with people who are also struggling. Making a change is GREAT, its such a refreshing feeling. My Friday nights used to consist of me going out, sleeping with whoever, getting hammered and staying up till 4am or 5am. My Friday nights now? Well they consist of making dinner, watching TV and being with my boyfriend, friends, or family (yeah I know crazy to think right?). ITS ACTUALLY SO AWESOME AND RELAXING! I think the best part is not waking up with a hangover and being able to be productive instead lol. I have learned to just live in the moment and to try and change the things that were toxic to me.

For those of you who have helped me get to this point, I thank you with everything I have. For those of you who supported me and believed in me that i could ACTUALLY do this, thank you also.

Will I ever drink again? Who knows. Will I ever go back to the person I was? I hope to god not. I am just taking my life day by day hour by hour. Is it a battle everyday? OF COURSE, but it is SO worth it.

Some Secrets Need To Be Kept

I have taken the time to think about if I want to continue posting about my relationships and all the negative things that happened with them and I decided I do not. Honestly, nothing good comes from writing about them and they just make me feel like shit. I know many people out there think I am a terrible person due to my past and many people do not want to read about all the crappy things I have done to others. I also know people are thinking “well, is she going to bring up the time she did this” or “is she going to talk about when she did that”. LIKE NO. There are many things in my life that I am not proud of or that I am just simply not comfortable talking about online where literally EVERYBODY can read it.

I started this blog to show people how much of a hot mess life can be(yes that can entail some mistakes and bad moments) and to put a smile on peoples faces and that’s what I am going to continue doing. What I am not going to do is sit here and trash myself and make myself sound like an awful person. I NEVER regret anything I did in my life, just because I believe everything happens for a reason. If I did one thing differently or changed something about my past, I would not be where I am at today and that would be really sad because I genuinely am pretty damn happy with my life right now. And it took me a very long time to get to this point of happiness.

I have had people from my high school message me or people from college reach out to me and ask me “why haven’t I shared this story or that story” or “why haven’t you introduced this person”. If I wanted to air out literally every mistake of my life or horrible story, we would be sitting here for quite some time. I LOVE writing this blog and letting other people read about my life, but there is a limit on that and what I want people to know. And I hope most of you can understand that.

I am not going to sit here and talk about the times I got a DUI or how I was arrested this other time. I am not going to tell you every time I have been to the hospital due to depression or anxiety reasons. I will not sit here and talk about my alcohol usage and how I had to go to rehab. Or about the time I was about to move across the country to California with Frankie. Things like that is not what this blog is here for. Yes, so many people out there can probably relate to those stories, but those things are way bigger than just a “hot mess” (Damn, it was even hard to actually just type all those things out). If you have personal things you want to ask or want to talk about you are more than welcome to personally message me.

I truly do not mean to be rude in this post, but I just wanted to give people a little insight on to why some things have not been shared and why I have decided to not continue to talk about my relationships.

I hope you all have a wonderful Labor Day Weekend! I will be taking Monday off and will post on Tuesday morning 🙂

Remembering Lola

Happy Monday! Once again, I hope everyone had a great weekend! I realized after introducing Bianca and telling you all some of my embarrassing stories that I love reading your feedback and hearing some of your stories that you share with me! I, however, still have more to share before I get back to relationships.

As you can see my friends and I were absolutely crazy. Whether it was Lola, Emilia, Mia, Lizzy and I Or Hillary, Bianca and I or even Courtney, Maggie and I. There was truly never a dull moment in my life and all in all I think I am actually grateful for that. We all did shit we wish we didn’t or that we regret, but the great thing is that we can all look back on it and laugh. It could do with drinking, boys, drugs or whatever else we did. BUT the good thing is that we still have memories that make us all realize how thankful we are for one another. I know you are all probably reading this and saying “enough with the mushy gushy crap, just tell us a good story”. Well the thing is I don’t have a specific story to share, this post is honestly to tell my friends how grateful I am for them.

In the past few years I have lost A LOT of good people in my life. Whether it was due to drugs, old age, sickness, or just natural causes, I have lost a lot. Within those people I have lost, Lola would be one of them. Losing her was one of the hardest things I have ever gone through and I am still learning to cope with it day by day and so are the other girls. She was the light of many peoples lives. She could put a smile on your face no matter your mood. Her laugh was contagious and her beauty was unbelievable. She truly was an amazing person and I am forever happy knowing she was a part of my life. I do not go a day without thinking about our friendship.

I have decided to share this with you because SO MANY people take relationships and friendships for granted. And I am not here to give you some type of lecture or speech because I know plenty of people have lost more than me.But people can be taken out of your life in a heart beat and its truly frightening. I remember getting the call from Emilia that Lola had passed. I was with my family on a Sunday afternoon and I fell to the ground in complete shock. I then began crying, not just crying, sobbing. I didn’t know how to feel or what to think, but I knew in order to show Lola how much she meant to me , I had to be strong for her. We had 14 years of friendship and it wasn’t just a friendship that I lost in that moment, but a sisterhood.

I want you to take the time to think about the people closest to you, whether it is a family member, best friend, boyfriend, girlfriend, significant other or whatever. Make sure you never take a day for granted with them. Make sure they know how much you appreciate them or how much you love them. Do not let life get in the way of the important things, no matter how hard it is.

To all my friends, family, acquaintances I love you so much and I am absolutely grateful for you ❤

Everyone Needs A Bianca

I told you all that in this post I would introduce my friend Bianca. Bianca and I started becoming really close in high school. Bianca is fucking awesome like I feel like that is the only way to describe her. We are so alike, but so different at the same time. We have that attitude that we really don’t give a shit what anyone thinks, we just want to have a good time. Our friendship started back when I was a sophomore and around the same time I started dated Frankie. At one point Bianca, Hillary (read back to “The Poor American Girl Doll” if you do not remember her), and I were super close. Our favorite thing to do was either get wicked stoned or drunk and hangout just us 3 because in all reality we hated everyone else.

Some of my favorite times were when we walked through a McDonald’s drive through and demanded a small french fry, all got completely wasted and ate about 3 pounds of pasta then all threw it up, went to a concert and Hillary puked over the balcony and onto someones head so we had to run far away very fast, walked in on people having a foursome; I could type out those memories forever. As life went on though we all started to drift apart, all went to different colleges, all lost touch of each other, until last year when we all reconnected. The best part about it was that we went maybe 4 or 5 years without talking to each other, but the second we all hung out it was like high school again and we went right back to our crazy, chaotic, insane times.

Bianca is different though. Even though we lost touch she always found a way to say hi to me or keep connected to me throughout the years. We definitely didn’t stay close, but the effort was still there, which i appreciate immensely because now we are where we are in life. Think of your best friend that you have that is absolutely crazy, is willing to do anything you think of. That friend you have when you say “if you do it, I will do it” that’s Bianca to me. I know if I am feeling like I need to do something fun or go wild and out I can count on her (and trust me we were doing wacky shit at the age of 16). If I was like “lets go to a music festival this weekend” or “lets go sky diving” her response would be “okay let me see if I can get work off”. But the even better part is if I want to just chill, relax, and stuff my face I can also count on her. Like one night we sat in on a Saturday night and drank beer, ate a bunch of food and watched scary movies together (I shouldn’t say ONE night because this happened on many occasions during the winter). Its like the best of both worlds! Everyone needs a Bianca in their life. Like I said in the last post, Bianca doesn’t start coming up more until the present day posts. But I am sure with all the stuff I had said about us you can think of the type of stories to come.

THANK YOU!

Another Monday and another late post. Sorry about that! Been kind of a rough morning. BUT I hope everyone had a great weekend! There wont be a lengthy post today because I really wanted to take today to just thank everyone for the support while creating this blog. I never thought when I first started this that it would grow so big. People all over the world have reached out to me and thanked me for my stories and it is honestly amazing. I am so happy people can relate and find comfort in my stories! Remember everything is 100% the truth, my life just really is one big hot mess.

I have been doing this for about 3 months now with over 10,000 views and continue to keep doing it. I seriously couldn’t do it with all the support and love from all of you! I love making other people happy and getting other people to laugh! I have so many more friends to introduce you to and I am so excited for you to get to know about me and my life even more!

This Thursday I will be introducing you to my friend Bianca who is just as crazy as me. After that I will wrap up my relationship stories and move on to the more positive times in my life!

THANK YOU SO MUCH EVERYONE! 🙂